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Glossary of Comments

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01

Whilst the opening does need to be brief, this is so brief that it doesn’t really say anything. What are the main strengths about yourself that you wish to expand upon later in this document?

02

This is casual language. This is a professional correspondence, so treat it as such.

03

In what capacity? How much assistance did you provide - in this guise it could be misread that you simply rewrote applications for students, which would not come across well.

04

Why is this important to the post for which you are applying?

05

This is the third time you have referred to ‘differences’ in two sentences. Make this a more interesting document to read by changing your vocabulary - this will become easier if you are more specific with your examples.

06

You have no need to make excuses for yourself. You are correct in that this work experience is also relevant - be more direct with this. Focus immediately on your relevant points.

07

This merely says the same as the previous sentence. If you wish to make an additional point think - how can I add to the factors I have already covered? Look back at the job description, what other more specific factors would relate to the job?

08

You must be careful here - whilst this could be beneficial, you have not quantified it, which makes it come across as arrogant. If you can provide some proof then arrogance becomes fact.

09

This is a vague and quite dull ending. Be more dynamic, try to end on a point that either solidifies or furthers the comments you have made already.