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Glossary of Comments

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01

If you do wish to use a Personal Profile then it is important to stay away from generic terms.

Whilst you are clearly trying to tie your skills in line with the culture of the company, it is not enough to simply repeat terms that they have probably used on their own website.

02

This is all quite vague and I would expect to see this implictly in how you detail your work experience later.

If you do wish to keep it, can you be more detailed about what you precisely did in this whole section?

03

The paragraphs for each job appear quite bulky, and it’s quite difficult to see all the information in just a brief read. Perhaps bullet points would be better?

04

Personal pronouns dilute the content of the bullet-point. Start with a stronger, more dynamic word rather than ‘I’ each time.

05

Remember to include dates throughout. Whilst these posts are not explicitly work experience, they did require dedication over a prolonged period of time.

06

The context here is becoming too great in volume. There’s no need to focus on the subjective elements, but instead concentrate on the facts.

This could, for example, be rephrased in a bullet-point as, ‘To meet student demand...’

07

Some information on the content of your course may be useful, but would this information be relevant to the job you’re applying for?