Relationships

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are a big part of our lives. They can offer fun, love, pleasure, excitement and support. However, they can also be complicated, creating feelings of anguish particularly if they go don’t go to plan.

Use this page to discover for relationship tips and who to speak to when you are having relationship struggles.

Let's talk relationships!

A healthy relationship requires work and adaptation through a shared responsibility for its well-being. Changes made through honest and

open communication, encourage the expression of feelings and the avoidance of misunderstandings.

Developing Successful Relationships

An acceptance of difference: embrace difference within a relationship rather than attempting to change the other person to be the same as yourself.
Capacity for boundaries: understand others cannot meet all your needs although you may aspire for this at times.
Operating mainly in the present: avoid focusing repeatedly on past grievances or basing a relationship on the hope of future improvement.
Respect for individual choice: adapt a relationship to respect each person’s autonomy and right to choose his/her own path in life.
Skill in negotiating: discover each person’s wants and needs and then work out a way to fulfil these different goals without one person having to compromise totally.
Sharing positive feelings: share kindness and thoughtfulness within a family relationship or friendship. For a couple, sharing sexual intimacy.

What can impact relationships?

There are many reasons why relationship difficulties can arise. They may have been present for a while and get to the point where they need addressing, or they can feel like they come about suddenly.

Personal Change

As we move through life, there are many things that change about how we view ourselves and how we view others. This can make it difficult to know who we are, who we want in our lives, how we interact with others and what values we place on particular relationships. This can lead to relationships that we once viewed as solid feeling less certain resulting in complications and potential break down of these relationship.

Media

We see all too often in the media, the ‘perfect’ couples with their ‘perfect’ relationships, this can make it difficult when our experience in a relationship doesn’t live up to this.

Differences

There may just be differences that we did not realise at the start. Differences in interests, differences in relationship expectations, differences in culture, differences in what we want for our future and differences in how we deal with difference! These differences can work in a positive way in some relationships, but for others they can create many conflicts

Past Relationships

Relationships in the past have a big impact on how we relate in the present and the future. If we have experienced difficult relationships in the past, this can impact on our ability to trust in our relationships. This difficulty in trusting can lead to tensions in our relationships that can be hard to overcome.

Did you know?

Two common misconceptions that hinder the development of a successful relationship include:

Believing relationships that need working at are not worth having

Believing the other person in the relationship should know how you feel

Solving conflict in a relationship

There are a number of simple techniques and approaches that can assist in reducing and resolving conflict:

ACKNOWLEDGE - Admit to yourself that there is conflict. Denial only means the problem will likely deteriorate further.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY - This isn’t about ‘taking the blame’ but about being responsible for your part in the conflict and being willing to work at improving the situation.

PLAN - Prepare in advance, consider what you want to say, how you want to say it and what you want from the conversation/meeting.

TIMING - Choose a good time to talk about the conflict, when there are no distractions, pressures or constraints on the conversation.

IDENTIFY - Be clear about what the problem is and agree this together – attack the problem, not each other.

LISTEN - Give the other party a chance to tell their side of the conflict too, this shows respect and your willingness to accept there may be more than one way of viewing this situation, even if you do not agree with what they are saying.

AVOID BLAME - Don't blame the other person for everything or deny you had any part in the relationship breakdown. Be gently honest – this can be a starting point to finding ways to change and solve the difficulties.

THINK CREATIVELY - Consider a variety of ideas to help solve the problem. Don't judge the ideas as right or wrong, or good or bad. Look for options that emphasise the common good.
REACH AN AGREEMENT - Agree a way to move forward and agree to check in with each other at specific times to make sure the agreement is still working.

Here are some tips to keep your sexual relationship healthy and consensual

Think about and discuss with your partner - what you want, like and what you do not like or want

Make sure you and your partner are happy with both of your decisions

Remember your sexuality is individual and personal

Remember it is your body and your choice about what you do with it

Feel confident and free to change your mind and to convey this as soon as you feel uncomfortable

Read each other’s body language and check in with the other person to make sure they are happy and comfortable

Respect each other decisions

Try to give pleasure to each other - sex is not one sided and should be enjoyed by both parties

Do not pressure anyone to engage in sexual contact as this is abusive behaviour

Stop if you are unsure if the other person is happy with what is happening and gain consent if you wish to change the activity you are engaging in

Plan and discuss what to do and where you will go if things do not go to plan- such as a condom splits

Educate yourself on legal aspects of sex and consent, and on sexual health/pregnancy and contraception

Recognising abusive behaviour

Does your partner, ex-partner or someone you live with:

cut you off from family and friends and intentionally isolate you?
bully, threaten, or control you?
take control of your finances?
monitor or limit your use of technology?
physically and/or sexually abuse you?

If you or someone you know is repeatedly experiencing abusive behaviour whether that is physical, emotional, or sexual; it is important to take notice and seek support.

Things to consider and what you can do if you are in an abusive relationship:

Tell someone you feel you can trust – a friend, family member
Reach out to a helpline and/or external support service provider such as the Police, a GP, or other professional you trust
Access some advocacy and/or counselling support to help you to process the situation, help build your confidence and self-esteem, discuss your options, rights and create safety plans, and gain some emotional and practical support surrounding any decisions you make or actions you wish to take.

Moving away from an abusive partner is a difficult step to take and you may feel you need some support in place to help you to plan this process and what you will do afterwards. Keep reading for support services available on and off campus.

Consent and why it's important

Consent is the agreement to participate in a sexual act where the individual has both the freedom and capacity to make that decision.
Consent cannot be assumed on the basis of a previous sexual experience or previously given consent, and consent may be withdrawn at any time.
Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious.
If someone agrees to an activity under pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn’t considered consent because it was not given freely.
Either party can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable.

Consent is about communication. And it should happen every time for every type of activity. Consenting to one activity, one time, does not mean someone gives consent for other activities or for the same activity on other occasions.

For example, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t give that person permission to remove your clothes.
Having sex with someone in the past doesn’t give that person permission to have sex with you again in the future.
The best way to ensure that all parties are comfortable with any sexual activity is to talk about it, check in periodically, and make sure everyone involved consents before escalating or changing activities.
Withdrawing consent can sometimes be challenging or difficult to do verbally, so non-verbal cues can also be used to convey this.

In an emergency situation

If you or someone you know has been harmed and/or injured, you or someone you know is at risk of harm, or you feel unsafe contact:

Community Safety on 024 7652 2222 (emergency number)

Speak to Someone

If you need relationship advice or support please engage with the services below.

Keep reading for more info!

Wellbeing and Student Support

Wellbeing and Student Support offer a regular drop-in service available for all students. If deemed appropriate, they can also organise counselling services through their CAPS Team.

Drop-In Services

10am-3pm Monday to Friday

(Drop-in services are accessible in person and online)

For further information and to join the drop-in queue click here

Sexual and Domestic Violence Adviser

They also have a Sexual and Domestic Violence Adviser who can offer emotional and practical support to any member of the university who has been affected by abuse.

For further information click here

Community Safety

Community Safety are a 24 hour first-response service on campus. If you are feeling unsafe or want to discuss a potential safety concern please call them using the numbers below.

General Enquiries

024 7652 2083

Emergency

024 7652 2222

Their numbers can also be found on the back of your student card.

Report and Support

Report and Support are a confidential service for you to seek help and support on a range of important issues. A trained Liaison Officer will talk your through your various reporting options in complete confidence.

They can help with:

Sexual Misconduct

Discrimination

Bullying and harassment

Hate Incidents and Hate Crimes

Relationship Abuse

Please note that by speaking with an advisor and providing details DOES NOT mean that you are formally reporting an issue to the University.

To speak to an advisor or to report anonymously please click here

Report and Support are limited with what they can do when someone reports anonymously so we strongly recommend you speak to an advisor. All information shared remains confidential until you say otherwise.

Speak to your GP (doctor)

Your GP can offer support and signpost to relevant health services for assessment.

There is a Health Centre available on campus but you need to register first.

External Support Available

Click here to discover external support services available for people experiencing domestic abuse. Some services are available 24/7 so please check them out!